Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
