New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
