I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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