Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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