Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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