my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
