I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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