It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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