Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
