This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
