So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
