Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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