You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
