trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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