Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
