i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The air was thick with penises
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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