problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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