Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
