I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
