He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm always down for nudity.
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