just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
