if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize