If that was your dad, he is hot
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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