i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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