I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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