So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
