does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
