So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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