I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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