she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize