You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
