my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
