its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
