Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
