Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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