I wish my penis had an off switch
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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