No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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