I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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