areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did i walk over a car last night?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
