Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
