You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
