bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
