We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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