dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
