I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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