I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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