you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize