Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
