Please, let me fuck your mom
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
