Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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