Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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