i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
