i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
