And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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