i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
