Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
