bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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