Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dick very happy bro
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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