wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
