so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
