peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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