I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
