They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
