where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
