So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize