I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
