i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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