i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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