FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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