she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
