I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
