i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize