Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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