five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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