Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
false alarm, still single
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize