and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
