There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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