I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
